The Silent Ranks

 

I found this today and I thought it was really cool - M

 

The Silent Ranks
Author: unknown

I wear no uniforms, no blues or army greens
But I am in the Army in the ranks rarely seen
... I have no rank upon my shoulders - salutes I do not give
But the military world is the place where I live
I'm not in the chain of command, orders I do not get
But my husband is the one who does, this I can not forget
I'm not the one who fires the weapon, who puts my life on the line
But my job is just as tough. I'm the one that's left behind
My husband is a patriot, a brave and prideful man
And the call to serve his country not all can understand
Behind the lines I see the things needed to keep this country free
My husband makes the sacrifice, but so do our kids and me
I love the man I married, Soldiering is his life
But I stand among the silent ranks known as the Army Wife.

7 Weeks

Seven weeks from today - George will be leaving for a total of 22 weeks, first Basic Training and then off to Advanced Individual Training (AIT) in Texas.  I'm using my old blog and have revamped it to chronicle how much my life is changing.  I feel so new to the Army life that I can't imagine I might have any advice or words of wisdom to bestow, but if I make someone else feel better or not so alone then that is all kinds of awesome.  I'm also using this as a tool for myself, I feel very alone here in Portland, without any other Army wives to hang around and use all these fun acronyms for everything.  Another use for this blog is to help let everyone (like there are so many that read this thing) okay.....to help the three people that read this blog know what George and I both are going through, update his status as I hear it and maybe give some insight into what Army life is like for us. This blog will be espeically helpful to my Oregon life if I up and move to be with George, which I think I will know in the next couple of years if I'm going to pull up roots and take off. 
There is much to think about, mull over and decide these next couple of years and I'm oddly really excited about it.  It all seems like a dream, the thought of not living in Oregon for awhile, like it really won't come true but I hope that it does.   I could be ready for some change and some excitement.
Right now, George and I are in the midst of just getting him and I ready for his training, going through a bunch of paperwork, getting original documents of everything, planning going away dinners and parties.  And inside.......I'm freaking out a little.  This count down is really hard, it's harder for me I think because I'm not going with George to his first duty station, which makes me sad.  I read other blogs and facebook pages of other Army wives and am envious.  They are waiting for thier first duty station and get to be with their husbands and I have to stay here, that is a hard reality for me sometimes.  I don't want to leave Cole yet I don't want to be a single mom here in Portland, with a husband who is going to be living god knows where.
One thing I've learned is to just learn to go with the flow, because you'll find out what you need to know when the Army needs you to know.  Hard for a planner like me, but I'm learning.  I'll write about life in general and all the things I used to write about but I think I'll have a lot more topics and a lot more time to do so.

xoxo
M

12 Weeks

What do you think of when you see "12 Weeks"? I used to think about that's how long a school term could be or that's your first trimester of pregnancy and after that 12 weeks is the "safe" zone to announce the pregnancy.  Now?  Now, today, 12 weeks is the amount of time I have left living with my husband.  It choked me up a bit when I counted today, thinking that "WAIT A MINUTE! That isn't much time at all!"

You see, George is leaving for boot camp in the United States Army in 12 short weeks.  When he first enlisted and his ship date was November, I thought it was OH-SO-FAR-AWAY.  Well we jampacked our fucking summer with a million plans and events.  Er.....wait .......rewind.  I jampacked our summer with events every weekend.  Luckily it only took me two months to figure out that this is NOT the way I wanted to spend our remaining weeks together. 

This weekend is Hood to Coast weekend and our last huge event of the summer, lets thank God and my self control for not jumping to and attend every single invitation we receive (it's hard for me, people) I'm like a two year old that doesn't go to bed because she might miss something if she isn't  part of it! Gasp, Megan miss something??  The horror.  I'm learning through this process of getting ready for George to leave that our last weeks together are best spent, just that.  Spent together. 

I'm scared.  I'm really not excited for him to leave us, not really at all.  I am so very proud though at the same time, it's all very conflicted, all my emotions surrounding this new phase of our life.  It gets quite exhausting to manuever my way through these emotions.  Yesterday I walked in the back door of our house, the dogs going all apeshit wanting dinner (selfish much??) I've got groceries, fucking furballs jumping all over me, I almost drop my wine (oh, HELL no) and I struggle to put it all down, my iPhone beeps at me "Text Mssg, bitch" and I sit down on the kitchen floor and cry. 

Because he's leaving. 

They said it would happen, these fits that come out of nowhere, these tears that come out of left field.  I didn't fight it, I just let it happen, luckily I have dogs to sit quietly looking at one another like "Shit, bro - did WE do that?  She's all crying and shit"  (My dogs talk like high-fiving frat boys) Which made me laugh. 

This is gonna happen I guess but I've found some VERY useful and informative websites, blogs and forums that are helping me cope.  Even still, I feel like I'm on an island unto myself because most wives go with their husbands for a four year enlistment, but not this Army wife.  I gotta stick around here for my kid and I WANT to stick around here for him, I can't leave him now.  So even though there are lots of Army wife support - where is the support for the Army wife who doesn't go with her soldier.

Guess I'll just have to create some.

Know Your Audience

(I just like this picture of Kai and it kinda fits the post)

Througout the course of life, I often hear things that are judgemental and gross generalizations of which these things I hear pertain to me and my life.  It irritates me that people don't know their audience or are so audcacious in their opinion that they don't even see who they are offending (me).  My favorites:

All Teen Mom's are bad, stupid, losers. - Really?  Do I suck that much? Does Jake?  I realize that I'm not a teen mom anymore but I was one and I did a really kickass job of raising my kid.  And my son is a teen dad and is also doing a wonderful job raising Kai and being a great partner to Katie.  I realize there are A LOT of immature and irresponsible teen parents out there but there are a lot of irresponsible adult parents out there too.  Let's not be judgy mmmmkay, pumpkin?
Tattoos are stupid, tacky, only hoodlums have them - Hmmmm well I've never (knock on wood) been to jail, I don't ride a harley, I'm not a person that can't get a job because of all the tattoos I have.  Yes, some people have so many that there are only a few industries that approve of such things.  And that is my point, there are several sides to these blatent generalizations.  I love that no one expects me to have tattoos and yet I do, I love them and I love to show them, but I also respect my job and the court, I would never have my tattoos showing during a trial.  I'm not sure I want to stay in the legal profession forever but if I have to, I'll continue to get my tattoos where they are nicely hidden behind a conservative dress and pearls. :)

Stay at home/Working Mom Debate - Ugh. I hate this one.  It's so just weighted down and makes me feel tired.  Can we all just get along and know that we are doing our best for our circumstance?  I'd love to stay home as I'm sure some stay at home moms would love to work.  Maybe I wouldn't love it, I don't know but I surely don't stare down my nose at stay at home moms.  I hate both generalizations both ways, I'm not an uncaring mom who stuffs my kid into daycare and runs as fast as possible to work,  as much as my stay at home moms don't ........well what DO you do all day? (ha....kidding....you got that right?)  So when you're in a convo at some super swank party of all sorts of people, lay off the Oprah and eating bonbons talk.

May/December Relationships Don't Last (especially if SHE is older) - Well, I'm still married, so there. Done.

Just a couple of my pet peeves for you.

xoxo
Megan

Appeal to Hair

Hello Hair,

We've been together a long time now, you've been easy when I change you all the time.  Sometimes I wish you had more of a presence other than the meek and dishwater-y way you are, alas you are mine.

I'm a little grumpy at your turtle like way you are growing out of my head.  I mean I know I'm supposed to take good care of you, and trim those dead things on the head so you'll feel healthy enough to poke your head back out, but really, this is borderline ridiculous.  You can't really want to be this short for the rest of your days do you?  We had a good run with the shorty, we did.  Now it's time to go back to the long blond so I can pull you back into a pony tail almost every day.  So I (ahem..."we") look better in hats, mmmmmkayy, Pumpkin? 

It's time, now.  You don't like it when I grunt and grumble in the morning, when I try to pat you down and make you behave, much like this morning, now that was just uncomfortable wasn't it? 

So let's be strong and grow grow grow! Shall we?  I do love you, curly unruly, fine hair of mine so let's get to it, else you're going to have lots of headbands and bobbi pins comin' your way.

Love,
Megan
xoxo

Ecclesiastes 3 (a book of hebrew)

Ecclesiastes 3 (a book of hebrew)

¹To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
²A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
³A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
⁴A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
⁵A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
⁶A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
⁷A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
⁸A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

I've always loved this passage - it was on a poster when I worked at the Jewish Community Center when I was just a teenager - it has always made me smile and feel well.

xoxox

Quote

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."  ~Elizabeth Stone

This is the absolute truth.

This quote made me tear up today. 

xoxo