You Can Count on Me

(Legal Disclaimer - I said I'd post every day and I'm going to fail at that this weekend.  I'm heading to Bend to see my sister on this fine Spring Break week. Whereas they have a computer, they probably don't want to watch me post whilst I'm at their house.  If I get a chance I will but no promises)

I realized yesterday that people talk to me.  I mean REALLY talk to me, I'm kind of a sounding board for many different people in my life.  For this, I'm grateful.  Though it is quite a responsibility to be that person, that person who knows so much about other people, and sometimes I'm caught in a bind with what I should and should not disclose to someone else close to me that should probably know.  I pretty much live by the rule of thumb that if my discloser is not in harms way, I will just listen and guide the best that I can.  Or sometimes, they just want someone to just listen without advice or guidance.  Or I will urge (sometimes PUSH) the discloser to talk to their friend, spouse, mom, dad, son, or daughter.  As hard as it is, I really cherish this quality in myself that people trust me so much that they seek me out to talk to me. It's quite an honor to be respected like that and I hope that I continue to show the people I love that they can count on me, because I care. A lot.

xoxo

Insomnia Sucks

I don't sleep.  It might be slowly turning me into a crazy person.  When I can't sleep which is all the time, I blame it on a book I read when I was in my early 20's, "Insomnia" by Stephen King.  I read this book and it scarred me for life because I couldn't believe that someone couldn't sleep! I mean how HORRIBLE, and of course the old man in the book went all kinds of crazy.  I realize the book has nothing to do with why I don't sleep, it does make me feel better to lay the blame on an object.  My only solace is that I know other people who don't sleep well either, well, that and the fact that I've tried EVERYTHING under the moon to make myself sleep.  Except Ambien.  I am not going down that road.

I don't drink alcohol, doesn't work.  I DO drink alcohol, at least that helps me fall asleep but I just don't stay asleep (YAY for wine!) There is no TV in my bedroom, I have yummy covers and down comforters and pillows, its not that its not comfortable because the sleep I DO get usually between 4:30 and 6 am is delightful!  I exercise constantly, I sometimes take Tylenol PM when desperate, I do watch tv before bed but that suggestion to not is ridiculous.  My mind races constantly and I also lay there with stupid ass song lyrics in my head, whatever rapper I've been listening to that day, hows that for a good time.  My husband snores but has gotten used to me rolling him over which stops him.  He's offered to sleep downstairs in our lovely basement (Jake's old room) but that's just retarded.  Sigh....

So you can imagine how fun it is to be around me in the morning, I don't even want to be around me.

I think I'll try melatonin and yoga - we are turning our garage into a workout space with a TV so we can do yogo tapes.

Maybe blogging will help.

xoxo

Time to Blog

Hi, so I'm back to blogging.  I've been urged by a few friends and family members who came to rely on my silly ramblings, most notably my sister who would sit down every day at 11:30, eat her lunch and read my blog.  She kind of served as an editor so to speak, she would call and say "WHERE IS YOUR BLOG ENTRY, I"m BORED" to which I would  say I had nothing to say, she would guffaw and hang up.

My goal for this new and improved (read "free") is to write honestly every day for your entertainment and my sanity.  Honesty is important when writing but also very difficult.  What if I hurt someone's feelings, what if someone reads to closely into what I am saying?  What if I reveal too much about myself?  What if I piss someone off?  To be a writer, I think you have to take that chance, and I inevitabley will piss someone off, of that I'm sure because I'm rather opinionated.  But no one wants to read a boring happy blog do they?  Like those people that only post happy shit as their friggin' facebook status, I mean really? You're THAT happy all the time?  Congratulations.

Another reason is my good good pal Michelle told me that it's quite theraputic.  And that is something I really need right now, I felt such dispair this last Monday.  It was awful for the first time in a very long time I didn't want to get out of bed......like at all.  Lucky for me I had a migraine (call is sick to work), but I took drugs, it went away.  I was still feeling such turmoil and couldn't shake it, sad about everything.  I watched 7 episodes of Grey's Anatomy and just was staring at them, cried through every single episode.  George came home and felt helpless because I didn't even pretend I wasn't crying at a tv show. I struggled out of it, hopped up on Tuesday and came to work, feeling a little bit better.  Then Michelle lets me know how theraputic blogging is and it clicked!  Ah  HA!  I'll write!  I don't need some stinking zoloft or whatever shit they are pushing now (plus if I gain weight on meds again, I'll lose my shit) So here we go bitches, lets write! 

Let me know how I'm doing either by comments or an email.

Oh and what's with the koala bear?  He's friggin adorable is what.  xoxo