Bad Dog

I hate fucking up at work.  I HATE it, and I always feel like this guy, just a bad dog.  "BAD DOG, MEGAN!" And when I do make what I think is a huge mistake, I always fall on my sword and admit it, I don't try to pass it off as someone else's problem, I suck it up and hope for the best (read: sit at my desk with my fingers crossed chanting "please don't fire me" over and over) 

I can't ever tell if its as bad as I think it is or if it's me just assuming the worst and like people have finally figured out that I really don't know what I'm doing.  I don't mess up much but when I do (like this morning) I turn bright red, stammer about fixing it, repeat things and say "I"m on it, I'll figure out what happened"  To which I go back to my desk with a stomach ache, feeling like I might hurl.  When I do  figure out the issue/problem/screwup and it really is me, I turn red and start sweating again.  So I fess up to what happened, cc my boss so he can throw himself in front of the firing squad (will he?) I fix the mistake and now I sit and wait and wait......

When I get an email and I freeze and don't want to look at who it's from. When someone walks through the door right outside my cube, I picture HR and my boss.  If that happens I think I'll skip the chit chat about how much I suck and I'll just start packing. 

Yes, I'm being dramatic and likely won't be asked to leave because as you can see from my picture, I'm not that guilty.  I made an error, but look at what character I have! I admitted it, said I'm sorry, I fixed it and I am obsessing about it because I care about doing good work, that should count for something, no?  I think so. 

And its not like I cursed a customer or a VP and I didn't set anything on fire. 

I just forgot to read closely and almost sent something out that wasn't clearly reviewed. 

I hate it when people are mad at me. I hate it. Bad dog.

xoxo